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Another Valentine's Day has come and gone, and our hearts and minds have been filled with love and affection. Well, some of us at least.
If you're like most guys, you probably made the mistake of buying her flowers, candies and teddy bears. And if you did, she was probably disappointed. So now you need to repair that damage and make your lady feel special again. Buy her a butt plug, some bondage gear, and a jumbo size bottle of lube. Once she gets over the initial shock, and her asshole relaxes, you will both be in for a beautiful, romantic evening. I may not be Dr. Ruth with my romance advice, but at least I'm innovative. If my suggestions don't work, just throw the bitch out of the bedroom and pop in an Anabolic DVD.
Since we last spoke, I handed out my 2003 Golden Gape Awards for excellence in pornography. You can read about those winners at http://www.searchextreme.com/cly/goldengapes/2003.aspx. Also be sure to check out the complete archive of my Cly's Picks at http://www.searchextreme.com/cly/picks.aspx
Once You Go Black... You Never Go Back #1 (Chosen 2/15/04)
2003/Jules Jordan Video (Evil Angel)/139 minutes
Cly Says: Normally, interracial sex isn't my thing. On the other hand, director Jules Jordan is the best pornographer in the world, so his foray into the black-on-white genre isn't just another interracial flick. He starts out with an amazing cast: former Wicked contract girl Alexa Rae in a very rare interracial scene, asslicious latina August getting tossed up by the scary appendage on Mandingo (can you say 14 inches?), and gorgeous Asians Sabrine Maui (a Jordan favorite) and newcummer Cris Taliana. The movie is vintage Jordan: beautifully shot, great outfits on the girls, and rockin' hardcore sex. Plenty of blowjobs, anal sex and facials to keep you all happy. I know it made me smile.
Anal Trainer #4 (Chosen 2/15/04)
2003/New Sensations/101 minutes
Cly Says: New Sensations is known for its big budget features, not hard-pounding gonzo sex videos. Recently they have been trying to change their image, and at the front of that is director Jonni Darkko. Last week, it was announced that Darkko is leaving New Sensations to go to Evil Angel Video, the best porno company in the world. The reason is movies like this one. Darkko shoots much like Jules Jordan or John "Buttman" Stagliano, with lots of ass shots, anal sex, and adrenaline. This installment of his Anal Trainer series features the greatest whore of this generation, Belladonna, getting wrecked by one of the best male performers in the world, Manuel Ferrara. Super-duper fuck hole Jasmine Lynn, German fraulien Victoria Sin and French fille Katsumi also dot the landscape.
Assault That Ass #3 (Chosen 2/15/04)
2003/Red Light District/138 minutes
Cly Says: It's no secret that I have a weakness for young, busty blondes, especially those special few who are down with anal reamings and cum swallowing. No one has fit that mold more perfectly in the past year than 18-year-old cutie Kelly Kroft. She did her first few movies before she even graduated from high school, and was getting double penetrated when she should have been waiting tables the following summer. But, ohhhhh, is she hot. By the time I went on a mission to molest her, she was already retired and long gone. I was sad. There are other girls in this movie. I'm sure they're good too. But Kelly Kroft has stolen my heart, and there is no other in my eyes. At least until next week when a new fresh-faced fuck toy comes along.
Until next month... Happy Strokin'!
— Cly Maxwell
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